Through My Lens

There was a knock on the door. I knew exactly who it was. I had been preparing for the past hour, with the help from my roommates. My heart raced.

            “Maddy, answer the door!” said Keeli.

            “No! I’m not going!” I said.

            I ran around the back of the apartment. I tried to hide in the laundry room, while Sarah got the door. Krysten chased me down. Then I ran to the mountain of clothes on my bed, from figuring out what I was going to wear. I settled with a camo shirt, light grey jacket, blue jeans and high-top Nikes.

            I heard his voice, “Hey, I’m here to get Maddy”.

            This was it. The guy that I had been crushing on for weeks, was taking me on a date.

            If you read “How to Get a Guy In 10 Days”, you might have an idea where this is going. I gave you the tips and tricks to “getting the guy”. By doing that, I brought you along with my own personal experience, so here is the full story.

            According to the Statistic Brain, it takes, on average, 15 minutes to make a first impression on a guy, but it takes a full hour to make a first impression on a girl. This is why I was nervous. I had 15 minutes to make a lasting impression on him.

            The first week of school, I went to the gym, just like any other day. As I walked in, I saw one of the most handsome guys I had ever seen. He was tall. A ginger. He wore a charcoal tank top with gray shorts. I tried to brush him aside. It was leg day. As I did my workouts, awkwardly, we would lock eyes in the mirror, just about every two minutes. Neither of us were going to make the first move.

            He got the name “cute boy” in my apartment. I didn’t know what else to call him. I didn’t know his name.

            I saw him for the next week, and it was the same cycle every day. Why could I not talk to this guy? I never get nervous to talk to new people. One night, I was hyping myself up. Tomorrow I was going to talk to him, no matter what.

            Tomorrow happens. I don’t see him.

            I never saw him again. 

            About two weeks later, I was in the crossroads working on a photo project. I had to find 12 different people with the same characteristic. I chose, over-the-ear headphones. I went up to one guy, explained to him what I was doing and asked if I could get a picture of him. As I put my camera to my eye, I look through the lens, and there he was. “Cute Boy” was less than five feet away from me.

            “Maddy, you can do this. Play it cool, and say ‘hi’ to him” I said in my head.

            However, that is not how it played out.

            He stopped me. He said, “hey, I think I see you at the gym all the time at North Point! I’m Dallin.” (changed name for privacy)

            You’re kidding. “Cute Boy” just talked to me first. I didn’t have to make the first move.

            I simply responded with, “Oh yeah, I remember seeing you, I’m Maddy, it’s nice to meet you.”

            Totally played it cool.

            We didn’t talk for long, but he knew my name, recognized me, and approached me first. That was enough for me.

            As I was about to leave, we ran into each other again. This time, making small talk for a few minutes.

            When I got home, I told my roommates, and we all celebrated.

            The next day, Keeli and I went to the gym again. We were on the cables, and I saw the guy that I had taken a picture of, the day before, who was sitting by Dallin. I had a feeling of “What if they’re friends? Go talk to him, maybe he could help you out”. My heart started to race again. But to my surprise, he came up to me.

            He said, “Hey, you took a picture of me in the crossroads yesterday! I just had a feeling to come over here”. Okay, that was God talking to him. I responded with, “Oh yeah, that was me,” I hesitated, but then I said, “Hey is Dallin your roommate?”

            Oh no. I said it. Here I go again, being a “textbook over thinker”.

            A recent study said that, some ways to make a person calm down and put their mind at ease, include: “putting the thoughts to rest” and “counteract your negative thoughts with responses”. Control your thoughts and let your mind be at peace. When your thoughts start to spiral, don’t allow yourself to think about the worst-case scenario. Be realistic with your thoughts.

            He said, “Oh yeah, we’ve been best friends since we were three.”

            I knew it. God wants this to happen so badly. So, I said, “Oh well, he’s super cute, and I’d be down to get to know him. You can tell him that.” He said he would and we both went on with our workouts.

            Of course, the next few hours, I’m freaking out. What was Dallin going to do? How would he respond? Would he think I was cute too? It wasn’t until the next day, that things really took off.

             I saw Kyle, his roommate, in the gym again. He said he forgot to tell him, but to give him my number so he could text me with updates.  

            I was in Broadcasting Performance when the text came through. I was talking to one of my friends when my phone went off. I got a text from Kyle that said, “Hey, he wants to take you on a date”.

            He asked for later that night at 5:45, and we were going to go to an abandoned train car. Naturally, I call my mom and tell her. She sends me this long this of questions to ask him. I knew that if I would’ve used some of these questions I would sound like I was just interviewing him.

            Let’s fast forward a little bit. The date went so well, we completely hit it off. I guess the first 15 minutes really paid off, and must have been successful.

            The following night, he came to a bonfire with us. The entire night, I was over the moon. My roommates said that I was glowing. He complimented me, and made me feel like I was the prettiest girl he has ever seen.

            “Wait smile,” Dallin said. I was hesitant. I thought maybe I had something in my teeth.

             He said, “Do you have a dimple? Don’t be insecure about it, it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”.

            Here’s the thing. The dimple on my right cheek only is visible when I’m truly happy. It isn’t noticeable if you’re just talking to me and I smile.

            The Statistic Brain sates that 56 percent of woman appreciate flattery the most in forms of flirting. He made me feel special and pretty.

            As we were leaving, we were getting into the car, and he wrapped the blanket around the two of us. He tried to be smooth and pull the “movie move”. I looked at him and quietly said, so I wouldn’t embarrass him in front of everyone, “You can just put your arm around me, I want you to”. He looked at me and said, “Thank goodness”, kissed my cheek and held my hand the whole way home.          

            The next few days, we didn’t talk. Of course, that worried me.

             After all, the Good Men Project tells us that men need space. They say that being clingy and “suffocating” a man is the fastest way to end a relationship. Give them space, if you are the one always initiating the plans, maybe take a break. Let him plan it, and let him reach out.

            Kyle had told me on Monday that Dallin was known for being a player. I wasn’t heartbroken, that’s overdramatic. I was disappointed. I didn’t want to go through with this if I was going to get hurt. I didn’t want to wear my heart on my sleeve and have it be torn into two. I got a feeling of, “proceed with caution”. I decided that I shouldn’t give up on him, because someone said something about him.

            He texted me saying, “Hey! I meant to text you the other night, but I’ve been so busy. I had so much fun on Friday night, I really like hanging out with you. Let’s do it again soon”. I knew that everything was going to be okay, as long as I kept my guard up, and protected my heart.

            A few days later, he came over and watched “Harry Potter”. I feel asleep, all cuddled up next to him. After the movie was over, he woke me up, and we talked for a few hours after. He was super playful. Tickling me, hugging me, chasing me around the kitchen. When we were sitting on the couch, he was standing over me and threatened to tickle me again. He started counting. “One. Two. Three.” I hesitated. I was prepared. But to my surprise, on three, instead of tickling me, he leaned in and kissed me.

            As I was thinking about the situation later that night, all I could think was, “That was really smooth, almost too smooth.” It made me think that he does this to several girls weekly. The thought was always in the back of my head. Maybe Kyle was right. It scared me. It made me become more closed off. I had been played so many times in the past. I didn’t want to fall for this game again. I always tried to remember what my mom once told me, “Don’t punish a guy for another guy’s mistakes”. She was right.  

            He asked me to go on our first date, just the two of us. He planned if for Thursday at six. We were going to R Mountain to take star pictures and have a picnic. I was excited for the whole week leading up to it. He confirmed on Thursday morning that we were still good to go.             At around 6:15, I hadn’t seen or heard from him. This was one of my biggest pet peeves. If you’re going to be late, that’s fine. Just let me know. However, it wasn’t until 6:25 that he texted me that something had come up, and he had to cancel. I was disappointed. I had been so excited all week. My roommates wanted me to “drop” him and just move on. But I didn’t want to.

            I don’t want to be “cliché” and say that I was led by the spirit, but the entire thing totally was. I got this feeling of, “everything will be okay, just keep pursing it”. About five minutes later, he wanted to reschedule for the following night, Friday. I told him that I could do that, and we planned on it.

            He picked me up on time, the next night. He came into my apartment, visited my roommates for a few minutes, and we left. He had pulled his car out of the garage, and opened my door for me. Once we got there, I pulled out my tripod and camera and started to do what I knew best. Astrophotography.

             It was freezing outside. I couldn’t feel my fingers when I would take the pictures. He could tell I was cold. At one point, he kissed me, but I couldn’t feel it.

             We didn’t last more than 15 minutes outside, before it became too unbearably cold for us to be out there. We drove back and sat in the car for about an hour just talking. We talked about ourselves, our stories, our dreams, where we hope to go someday, and who we want to become.

            Another thing that can be observed from “The Good Men Project”, was “Emotional Intimacy”. Guys are taught to avoid appearing “weak” at all costs. Once a guy opens up to you, and shows the sensitive parts of him, show him that you are accepting of those parts of him. I noticed that Dallin was hesitant and nervous to tell me things about his past, but once he realized that I was accepting and nonjudgmental of it, he became so much more comfortable.

            A few minutes before he left my apartment, he asked me my plans for the following night. I responded with, “Nothing yet”. He said, “Keep it that way, I’ll pick you up at nine”.

            The next night was complicated.

            He told me to come up to his apartment around 8:45. I told him I was in the middle of something, and I would be over soon. Finally, at 9:30, he said, “I have a present for you when you get here, just take your time, but I can’t wait to see you”. I decided to just leave and go up there. When I got there, I walked in, and he said, “Well can you tell what the present is?” I didn’t notice anything. He said, “I kicked my roommates out, cleaned the kitchen, I have a movie set up, and ice cream for the two of us”. I tried to show him that I loved it and that it was sweet, but all the sudden I was having doubts, and I was starting to become closed off.  

            We sat on the couch watching the movie and eating ice cream. He kept asking what was up, and if I was okay. I always replied with, “I’ll be okay, I promise.” He respected that, and we kept watching. After the movie, we talked for a few minutes, then he took me home.

             Out in the hallway, he kissed me, again, but this time, all of his friends, who were watching through the window, saw us. They started cheering. I said, “Okay this is super embarrassing”, but he said, “Well, we might as well give them a show”. I refused, and just asked him to take me home. When we got back to my apartment, he kissed me goodnight and told me, he hoped my night would eventually turn around.

            I got this feeling. A feeling of, this is it. This is it for the two of you. You’ll never see him like this again.

             I was right.

             I haven’t seen him since, besides the awkward encounters we’ve had walking on campus and running into each other at the gym.

            Our relationship, which I didn’t know then, was a blessing. I learned that he had six other girls on the side, that he was doing and saying the same things to. All the things that Kyle had told me were true.

            I have learned one of the greatest lessons to learn. Self-worth.

            At times, I would think that I was way out of his league and that’s why it didn’t work out. However, that is the farthest thing from the truth. I’m out of his league. He does not deserve someone as special as me. I have a lot of love to give. I’m strong. I have a strong testimony. I’m a beautiful daughter of God, no matter what anyone tells me. I deserve the world. I deserve respect. I deserve to be someone’s number one.

            He couldn’t offer me that.

            Not a day goes by that I don’t think of that tall, red headed boy that completely took my breath away at the gym. I want to talk to him every day, but I constantly hold myself back.

            Recently, someone told me, “After a relationship ends, if you want to drag it out, think of it as you are taking time away from your future spouse.” According to Sarah Moser, if you’re with the right person, everything will work itself out. No need to stress, let God take the lead.

            Someday someone will treat me so special, and he will make me feel the way that Dallin did. Until that day, I will never forget this experience, and what I have learned.